Finding out about body language is like discovering fire for the first time, it’s a momentous occasion. When we’re growing up, we have the understanding that all communication happens through speech alone. But this could not be more wrong. Over 90% of our daily communication happens from non-verbal actions. As Will Smith said in the film Hitch…
90% of what you’re saying ain’t coming out of your mouth
This is where we get the phrase “It’s not what you’re saying, it’s how you’re saying it that matters.” Every single person on planet earth is an expert when it comes to body language, however they’re completely unaware. Evolution has enabled us to read and display body language, but this is an unconscious process. This means that we’re completely unaware, it simply happens naturally without us having to think about it.
Remember that time when you just didn’t like someone without even talking to them?
How about when you knew someone was about to try and hit you?
Or even when you couldn’t take your eyes of that women in the high heels walking towards you?
All of these events are body language based. We make our first impressions in 7 to 21 seconds, hardly enough time for someone to tell us about themselves. Therefore we rely on our ability to read the body language of others. Of course as we stated earlier, most people are completely unaware of this process. This is why it’s so powerful for the people lucky enough to understand it.
It’s as we said in the title, a secret language. Body language is a way of expressing yourself silently. You can influence people, make a good first impression and grab peoples attention without having to open your mouth.
The best part about all of this is the fact that other people are unaware, yet they can understand you. This is a strange concept to get your head around. The fact that you can influence people successfully, yet what you’re doing goes under the radar, seems far too good to be true.
At this point your probably asking “how do I use this to my advantage?” But firstly I’d just like to go over some rules. Body language is extremely powerful. You can use it to influence women, increase likability, sell something, lie to people, achieve success in job interviews, become a con artist and so on. I purposely named some extreme examples to express how far this has been taken by others in the past. My advice to you would be to use body language wisely. Of course it should be used to improve your life, but don’t abuse it.
Body Language Tips
These tips will outline the potential of each feature. We will give you actionable tips that you can use in your own life starting today.
- Eye Contact
My personal favorite. They say that the eyes are the windows to the soul, and for good reason. You’ll be shocked when you realize how powerful eye contact is. It can be used for intimidation, seduction, to display confidence and more.
Rule number one, never look down. By looking down at the ground, you signal to others that you’re afraid. This can harm your chances with women and lower your respect around men. For anyone looking to land a job, or a girlfriend, keeping your eyes off the ground is a must.
Secondly, never break eye contact first. As a child you were told that staring was rude, forget that. Focus on the eyes of the person you’re talking to until they break first. This is a sign of dominance and confidence, it will increase your chances with women and respect around men significantly.
Of course don’t overdo it. If you’re staring at a man twice the size of you, and he throws you all around the room, don’t blame me. Catching eyes with a woman is where this works best. Simply hold her eyes until she looks away or down, and you’ve asserted the natural role of dominance. This is extremely powerful so be cautious who you do it to.
Many men will walk with their head down, hands in their pockets and shoulders slumped. The key to a charismatic walk is alignment and stride length. Take longer strides to symbolize confidence. Using the heel to heel method works best. This means that your heel will touch the ground first with each stride. This enables you to get the perfect stride length with each step.
A man who walks within himself is perceived as low in confidence. A man who’s opening up his stride and walking with purpose will catch everyone’s attention and demand respect.
Also remember to always look ahead. This is performed for two reasons. Firstly to prevent you from looking down, secondly to give you a sense of purpose. A man looking far into the distance looks as though he has somewhere to be and he’s walking towards it.
Compare this to the average man and we can see the difference. The average man has his head on a swivel. He’s glancing at women right and left, he’s constantly looking down at the ground, and on occasion he’s concerned about what’s behind him. This type of body language will tell people you’re nervous, not exactly the impression we want to give out.
Look at any superhero, they always stand with their legs wide apart. Women on the other hand are expected to stand with their feet close together. This is simply the subtle difference between masculine and feminine behavior. In order to use this to your full advantage, you need to have your feet about shoulder width apart. This signals dominance and strength, it also makes you appear wider, and body size matters when it comes to respect.
As we claimed earlier, the average man has his head on a swivel. Constantly looking around on high alert. This is a major problem in all of lives situations. Just think about the animal kingdom for a second. A prey animal is always on the look out. They have eyes on the side of their head so they can search around for potential threats. One loud noise and their eyes dart towards the sound in fear.
A predator has eyes facing forward on the front of their face. This is so they can search for prey. They focus forward on one thing because they have nothing brave enough to chase them. It may sound strange but this also has an effect in the human world. The man who goes through life with the, “been there done it all” attitude will always be respected and viewed as attractive.
Let’s say you’re walking through the city, when suddenly you hear someone shout your name. A man with poor body language will turn around quickly like an animal under threat. A man with good body language will turn around slowly in his own time. Just think James Bond, he runs on his own time. There may be explosions and gun shots all around him, yet he’s walking through the middle as if nothings going on. This naturally relaxed personality will make you attractive to everyone around you.
- Speed Of Movements
We’ve all seen the man who’s late for work. He’s running for the train, he’s rushing through the crowd and walking like he’s trying to get away from his shadow. Anyone who sees this will judge the man as weak, someone who panics easily. By slowing all of your movements down people see you as calm and comfortable. Quick movements scare people, they signal a potential threat, a fight or deception.
Imagine that you’re moving through water, this speed is considered dominant and sexy. It will help you with women and in terms of dominance around other men.
Make sure you stretch your arms out wide on the chair, couch or bench. This uses the size effect. Larger people are viewed as more dominant, and a wide reach will help you with creating this effect. Make sure your knees are wide apart. The aim is to take up as much space as possible. Of course don’t be rude, if an elderly person needs a seat then move over, but for everyone else the rule is the same, “this is my space.”
Tonality means the way we speak and yes it is body language. Why? Because it’s still non-verbal. Tonality doesn’t refer to the words, it refers to how the words are being said.
Elements of tonality include tone, speed of speech, speech volume, the amount of mistakes you make and so on. Many coaches will tell you that the words are irreverent, as long as you say them with purpose and confidence. To an extent they’re correct, but saying that the words are irrelevant is a little bit ambitious. Just make sure that your conversation skills aren’t completely terrible and tonality will do the rest.
Your speech should be neither too fast or too slow. Speaking in a relaxed, deep and calming tone should be your aim. Try and avoid ums and ahs, instead pauses should be embraced. A man who is OK with silence displays confidence. A man who feels uncomfortable will fill in the blanks with ums and ahs, this makes him appear nervous.
This is just a brief glimpse into body language. However these tips alone will be enough to change your life. We will be discussing more body language tips in the future, especially in any courses that we release. Remember what we said at the beginning, body language is powerful so be aware of this. Don’t use any of the tips above to act in an immoral way.